Smoking in the Dorm Room

 

Written by Kaui Awong

In a distant, alternate reality somewhere far away, where college students (heaven forbid) smoke marijuana… *gasps*, dorm residents often make strapping attempts to get away with their prohibited habits in the comfort of their rooms. The question is: How can college students get away with it? 

Being up against the forces of smoke detectors, RAs, and anti-smoking neighbors, it requires tact to maneuver around and rise high above “the man.”

If, by some slim chance, a college kid would ever want to become a master of concealing activities involving marijuana, these are steps he or she might take.

1.         Cover the smoke detector

        

If the student were to by accident set this baby off, he or she should better hope they have a roommate frying some smoky bacon to cover up or else prepare for piercingly loud beeping trouble. The “ninja” smoker student always covers the smoke detector tactfully with a plastic bag and duct-tape, allowing no extra air to seep through. As an easier option, the lazy smoker will simply cover it conveniently with a baseball cap.

(Editor’s note: Depending on what alternate-reality state you are in, tampering with or covering smoke detectors on state property can result in a hefty fine if you get caught. Be careful!)

2.         Towel the door

Something that clever smokers always check is that no smoke seeps out through the cracks in the doors. This is because excess smoke + angry neighbors or quad mates = a visit from RAs. To prevent this conflict, an extra towel is kept handy to line the space between the bottom of the door and the floor. If done correctly, win-win situations are created. The neighbors go on unbothered while the smart smoker basks in the clouds.

A “smart-smoker,” Mary Jane Toker* a dorm resident who masks her activities on a weekly basis, advises, “Always remember to towel the door because a lot of times the people in the room underestimate just how strong the smell can get. If neighbors or roommates aren’t cool with what’s going on in there and don’t particularly like the smell, they might call the RAs. No one wants that.”

3.         Turn on the fan and open the windows

The smoker that doesn’t want the room to reek of marijuana will typically open the windows, curtains, and/or shingles. He or she will then turn on a fan and face it towards the open windows. This way a ventilation system is created directing the fumes blown up into the air to circulate and eventually float its way safely outside. The superbly safe smoker will take it a step further and exhale his or her fumes out the window. 

4.         Create a home-made air filter

The superbly safe and extra cautious smoker will again take another extra step and craft up what is called a “sploof.” The “sploof” can be hand made by combining a tunnel-like object, usually the cardboard core of a toilet paper roll, dryer sheets, and a rubber band. He or she will carefully crumple up the dryer sheets and stuff them inside the roll creating a fresh-smelling scent filter. Next, the smoker will take another dryer sheet and completely cover one end of the roll and sealing it off with a rubber band. By exhaling straight into the contraption from the open end into the “sploof”, the pungent scent of marijuana magically turns into the always appealing scent of clean linens.

5.         Spray the room with a deodorizer

After the marijuana activities are complete, the clever smoker will always seal off the room with a few spritzes of his or her favorite deodorizing scent, such as Febreze. This way, any leftover traces of smoke that might be creeping in the corners of the room or on the sheets will be masked by the scent of morning dew, or even Thai dragonfruit, to name a few. 

A former RA, Buzz K. Ill* mentioned that as long as the scent of marijuana isn’t floating through the halls, the smart smoker should be safe. “We sometimes smell way too much Febreze, and it can get kind of obvious as to what’s going on, but most times a strong whiff of Febreze won’t be what gets [a smoker] in trouble,” Ill said. “It’s usually when they don’t spray anything and all we smell is weed that we have to step in.” 

6.          Always carry eye drops

Although eye drops are not a necessity in concealing smoking in the dorm room, it often serves as a safety net when things go wrong. Just in case the clever smoker accidentally forgot to perform an earlier step due to a sudden absence of short-term memory skills (which is hardly ever a problem), eye drops will become a forgetful smoker’s best friend. Anybody could be knocking on the door, an RA, an angry neighbor, or even in the worst-case scenario – the smoker’s parents. In these situations, the prepared smoker will have eye drops on hand to carefully use before opening the door. The eye drops create a more clean-cut look, masking his or her disoriented state.

While it is highly unlikely that any college-aged student would ever desire or dare to smoke marijuana in the dorms (God-forbid), it is a very interesting topic to research. In that alternate universe somewhere far away where they do enjoy smoking marijuana however, this article might come in handy.