By Justin Hahn
Twenty seconds after the opening Gang of Four song, I was already bored with “Marie Antoinette.”
For a few golden seconds, the naked ass of a 14-year-old piqued my attention, but for the next hour and twenty minutes, my sense of ennui didn’t change much. After another twenty minutes, all I really wanted was to see more pugs, more lacey nipples, and more close-ups of French pastries. I kept thinking: “Where’s that famous guillotine?”
Judging from the beautifully filmed movie on the screen (which I followed intently, despite said ennui), the Queen of France was just as bored as I. She had delicious pastries, dazzling diamonds, fabulous gowns and wonderful company, yet she was bored and tired. I had the work of Sophia Coppola, one of the greatest directors of the 21st century, and I was bored and tired.
Why was I bored, and why was the Queen bored?
As far as the film went, the acting was superb, the soundtrack was another “Garden State,” and as my girlfriend put it, the wigs and dresses were a costume designer’s “wet dream.” But the plot, the story, and the progression of the characters — all of what makes a really good movie?
Yawn…
From the first trailer to the first hint of word-of-mouth to the opening credits, everything about the film was perfectly set up, but nothing happened. Every character was static and none of the promised conflicts or planned events panned out.
The only distinctive thing about the direction was the jarring juxtaposition of old and new. This contrast was laced throughout the movie, almost as if new and old lived side-by-side, blurring the line between “then” and “now.” Modern day music at an 18th century ball; colors from the Space Age on gowns from the Age of Enlightenment; post modern narration of proto-modern events.
As we left the theater, my girlfriend and I began to wonder back and forth how this brilliant woman could have made such a boring movie of such powerful events. Her dad is a genius, she is a genius, and she had millions at her disposal: what went wrong?
Nothing went wrong. When watching this movie, we’re meant to be bored. Coppola could have pulled off another extravagant, hot pink period piece, and she could have used her love of the 80’s to give us the Rat Pack reborn. She had history-making class conflict and world-class actors to play it out: but she didn’t.
All the power, all the potential, all the privilege, and she did nothing. She did nothing, because Antoinette did nothing. What’s more, she did nothing because we do nothing.
Like all good movies, this movie made us identify and feel for the characters: after a while, I was the Queen. Although I’m straight, the Queen’s fantasies of Count Fersen sent even my jaded heart a-flutter.
Her boredom was my boredom, and her inaction in the face of horrible social injustice was my… you get the picture.
Here’s the point of the boredom: we are the court of Versailles. We, in the First World, have opulence beyond compare, yet we are bored and know nothing and do nothing about the starving masses outside the gates. We’re buying up iPods and Zunes while Africans are on Oxfam.org begging for a few dollars to buy the means to grow some quinoa to keep them alive.
Don’t believe me? Take a poll: how many UH students know the new iPod lineup, and how many know what quinoa is? Off with our heads.
All images © www.imdb.com
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